I originally shared this post over at Fancy Little Things during their thankfulness series.
This post is very personal, and I thought I should officially share it with all of you!
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Who could love me when I did the unthinkable
who could love me when I am broken, ugly, uncontrollable, undeserving?
who could love me at my darkest?
I am thankful God does. He loves me no matter what. I am His child.
I am so thankful for the gift of forgiveness
I say gift because I did not earn it and I do not deserve it.
I want to share a little bit of my personal story with you today.
When I was 16 years old I became pregnant. I was only a sophomore in high school. I was scared, lost, confused, and misguided. I chose and followed through with the ending of my child's life. A decision that will stay with me forever. A decision that should never be forgotten or forgiven. A decision I will regret for the rest of my life.
When I was 19 years old I became pregnant again. (still with the same boyfriend). This time I could not imagine life without this baby. Although we were young, not Christians, broke, not married, living at home, we chose to give this baby life. I am now the proud (and stressed out) mom of a 10 year old daughter.
When I was 21 years old we became pregnant again. Our relationship, if you could call it that, was hanging on by a thread. We were living in such a dark place. We barely made it through a day without fighting. Having a child so young was a lot of work. How in the world were we going to survive with two babies? Our solution? we weren't; we couldn't. We didn't. Again we chose the end the life of baby. The second decision that will remain with me for the rest of my life.
A few months after this I woke up one morning and thought I needed something more in my life, I was missing something. I opened the phone book (that's a large yellow book full of phone numbers, in case you forgot) and looked for a church with the latest start time as it was already 10am. I happened to find one that started at 11:15am. I got myself and my daughter dressed and off we went. As I was sitting in the pew reading their bulletin I had to catch my breath. There on the bottom of the page was an advertisement for a support group they had. A support group for woman that have chosen abortion. It said that no matter what God forgives you and love you. I knew right then and there this was a place I wanted to be, a place I needed to be.
You see, God knew I would show up at that church that Sunday morning, he knew that those words would be in the paper , that I would hold in my hands. He knew it was what I needed to give my life to him.
I am so thankful for Jesus, for the price he paid to make me clean.
In God's eyes, I am clean. He chose to forgive me.
It doesn't mean that I am not okay with the choices I made back then, or that I can now just forget them. Our sins have consequences. One consequence I face daily is shame. I am afraid people will judge me, mock me, yell at me, and even hate me. I also face comments that people do not know are hurting me because I don't share my story. Comments like "people who kill their babies should also be killed, at least I did not have an abortion, why would God take my baby, it's not like I ever had an abortion." Comments that cut like a knife. Then there is the guilt. Not just the guilt of the action I took but that I now have 3 beautiful living children after choosing to end the life of 2; and some people to struggle, beg, and plead for just one.
I just know that each day I have to lay my burdens at the foot of the cross.
I am thankful for that cross, for the life that died there so I may live in eternity with a father that will love me and forgive my sins no matter what.
Thank you for listening to my story, i know some of you may be disgusted with my story, some may relate, some can not even imagine it. But each of us have lived in a dark place and we all just need to love each other, like Christ loves the church.
If you want to know more about my story or about the Jesus I love please email me. chrissy[at}simply-crreated[dot]net
thank you friend for sharing. you are loved. see you sunday lord willing. shalom and grace. kwhite
ReplyDeleteYou, my sweet girl...are a very brave woman! I will NOT judge you, I will not MOCK you, I will NOT yell at you, and I do NOT hate you! Everyone has done things that we are not proud of. (The things that "haunt" us...) but in Christ we are free. It is satan that brings us shame and condemnation but Jesus brings us redemption and peace! You are right...sins have consequences that even after we are born-again we must deal with in this life, but aren't you happy that some day in the next life you'll get to meet your babies!? Sometimes as Christians we often trade "being-right" on a morality issue, with being "in-relationship" with the person and that is just pain wrong. I myself have a pretty outspoken pro-life stance (as I am sure that you do now as a Christian) I hope that I have not been one of the women who have hurt you with anything that I have said/posted and if so, please know that I am so, so sorry! You are a NEW creature...the old you is gone away and the new, beautiful, loving, kind, creative, Jesus-loving you has come. I never knew the old you, but all I know is that I LOVE this you! (Big Hugs, babe!) Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing! This is a very touching story and I respect you beyond words for sharing. Things of this nature are hard to share, but it helps, it helps people like me. So thank you! Truly! Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment thus letting me find you! I deeply appreciate it!
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www.digdeeperdesign.blogspot.com
Hi Chrissy! New follower here from the blog hop! Thank you so much for joining us :)
ReplyDeleteGood morning! Thank you so much for sharing your personal story - and more importantly, for being bold enough to risk your own uncomfortable-ness in order to bring glory to our mighty and awesome God! I found you via a link from Redeeming Creations - and you've got a brand new follower! God Bless you and your family! :)
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